Friday, February 16, 2007

I am a Seductress

In the past few days I have come to unravel the unconscious playing out of 'The Seductress' and bring it to consciousness. My father was a paranoid schizophrenic who was emotionally unavailable to everyone in his life. Because of his unavailability I found it necessary to compete for his affections. It has been brought to the light how I competed with my Mother for my fathers affections and continue to play that out to this very day. While I never had sex with my father, I certainly learned and accepted the role of Seductress as a way of interacting with men to feed that side of myself. It became very comfortable and I have become quite adept at it. For me there have been many many willing participants in this game of, whose wives have yet to embrace and integrate the Seductress in themselves.
For some time now I have easily accepted and flowed with the energy of the Seductress yet been totally uncomfortable with the Madonna side of myself. The pure beautiful essence of the Mother which is the total opposite energy of the Seductress. For me it was impossible to see the Madonna in myself and fought it fiercely. Up until just weeks ago when a sacred teacher brought me deeply into the depths of that side of the Divine Mother in me I was unable to connect with Her and integrated that into my Psyche. As the days passed since this time I still find myself coming between husbands and wives in this manner and have worked very hard at bringing the reason for that to clarity within myself.
It has been difficult to look deeply into my role in coming between men and women - husband and wives - by playing out the unmet portion of the Seductress in my marriage and in my life as a whole. I am married to a beautiful man who holds me in unconditional love. He sees only the Madonna. Until I was able to embrace and integrate that part of myself I could not open fully to him because for me the Madonna was very much my shadow. Upon integrating that piece of myself I was able to open to my husband on levels that I could never do in the past. It has been a beautiful transition and sharing for us, yet something was still not being met.
I have found myself still being drawn into playing out the Seductress time and time again. While I was not out having sex with medium of expressing the Seductress has been the internet. The universe very easily presented men to me whose wives had not embraced the Seductress in themselves. There I easily became the Black Widow who spun her webs of seduction every so subtly and totally overcame men with my beautiful open expression of the Seductress. In looking deeply into the reason for my needing this energy after so much transformation has occurred in these past few weeks has brought around real clarity of just what that is.
My husband is a beautiful soul which is totally in his radiant open unconditional love of the Madonna in me. He has not however explored in any fashion or acknowledged 'the 'Rapist' in himself. Because of this lack of polarity between his two 'selves' it has caused a lack of polarity in my two selves.....the Madonna and the Seductress. Due to this lack of equal tension between the two sides I have unconsciously acted out the same scenario once more by placing myself between husbands and wives to feed that side of myself. While I am not proud of this fact I have come to some level of forgiveness and realize that it was up until now an unconscious acting out of my place since childhood of being between my Mother and Father....competing for my fathers attentions.
Now that this has come to light I realize that I must find a more healthy way to feed the Seductress. For me it is no longer acceptable, nor does it serve me to lure men into my web of Seduction to feed that side of myself. While it was totally unconscious up until that I am aware I must do what is right in resolving that issue within myself so that I may move more fully into wholeness and to allow others a mirror of this fully embodied essences of the balance between the Seductress and the Madonna - so that it benefits all women into fully embracing and integrating the Divine Feminine.
While I do not yet know what the healthy expression of the Seductress is at this very moment, I am and have for some time been drawn to writing erotic poetry and text. This to me seems a healthy avenue into the Seductress that would allow for that expression to be made without further harming others relationships. The erotic poetry I speak of is fully balanced in the Divine Feminine...not some smutty pornographic representation of the beautiful balance of these two energies.
I share this with you in the hopes that I may be of some small assistance in bringing to clarity that perhaps you are living a life of the Seductress....or the Madonna....and not fully embracing and integrating both sides of yourself which exists in all women. My desire is to assist you into stepping fully into the Divine Feminine and live your life fully as the beautiful ripe essence that you are.
Today I stand in full knowledge that my life's path is to assist women in finding a balance and integration of the Seductress and the Madonna. That my gifts will assist women deeply in their journey to embracing the Divine Feminine.
I bow to you in gratitude for allowing me to express this portion of my journey to you. May you take it in the spirit in which it was offered as a gift for your enlightenment.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Dangerous Beauty

I confess as a young girl I loved a man who would not marry me for want of a dowry.
I confess I had a mother who taught me a different way of life, one I resisted at first but learned to embrace.
I confess I became a courtesan, traded yearning for power, welcomed many rather than be owned by one.
I confess I embraced a whore's freedom over a wife's obedience.
I confess I find more ecstacy in passion than in prayer. Such passion is prayer. I confess I pray still to feel the touch of my lovers lips. His hands upon me, his arms enfolding me.
Such surrender has been mine. I confess I pray still to be filled and enflamed. To melt into the dream of us, beyond this troubled place, to where we are not even ourselves. To know that always, this is mine.
If this had not been mine-if I had lived any other way-a child to her husbands will, my soul hardened from lack of touch and lack of love... I confess such enless days and nights would be a punishment far greater than you could ever mete out.
You, all of you.. You who hunger so for what I give yet cannot bear to see that kind of power in a woman. You call god's greatest gift-ourselves, our yearning, our need to love-you call it filth and sin and heresy.
I repent there was no other way open to me. I do not repent my life. Veronica Franco - Dangerous Beauty